...Because we are....

..one more heavenly day is gone, and one new heavenly day is here..yes, it is 01:11 am, and I might say, I am a happy one to greet a new day, while other sleep. With a cup of hot spicy Chai. Well, I might be critical and say - this instant Chai is not the best one of a quality, but I enjoy it just because it is a unique chai of 01:13 am on Monday! And I am researching a history of toilet paper and ancient China instead of making my Italian languge course homework. I must be honest and say - yes people, I am a lazy one. But ok...i am trying to figure out the logic of this language and what it has in common with other languages I already know, and the best way to code this language into my head. Good luck! - Thank you!
Weekend went so quickly, but in fact I enjoyed each single minute of it, only pity that went too fast, I wish I could be able to stop a time for a while and enjoy things longer. And once again..- yes!!! I love this weather! - i m sorry for those who is cold - please take a chance, move somewhere to South Europe or another continent, really do not use that much time for complain, just do it.
I look forward to it becomes a bit more colder and icy, so when you step to leaves laying around and under your feet you will hear this grispy sound of frozen leaf, ohhh I love this feeling!!

I love it!!

What a great day! Yes, it is Tallinn, Estonia. And it is 7th of October. A memorable date! The only one day of exactly this weather and this kind of autumn breath :-) I really enjoyed it today earlier. I might say I love this rain and this autumn weather.Each time I go out, I admit colors of leaves laying and falling around, this silent and magic sparkling sound while these are scrolling up and down and around in a cold autumn air.
But today is a different day. I can feel that. By surprise, air is not that cold even, it is rather humid and warm, so I just enjoy these fresh raindrops falling on to my face, hair, coat...i listen carefully to the sound of street under my feet. I do not even have rainboots on me, neither umbrella. But I like it. This autumn let me feel some excitement inside, with its smell and colors. All space is like pierced by tiny but strong shiny threads, in different colors and materia, connected with each other, crossing each other by different ways, but creating the one whole. Each thread, each separate piece of crossed space has its inner and expressional energy, questions, answers, possibilities, past, present, future...dreams, illussions, power, change, will, responibility, vitality..so much! Imagine - this is a world. This is a world. This is each second of a life, and how much this second can mean if you think about Life level as a whole. How much a thought you have exactly in this second can affect your present, your future. Other people and their lifes. May happen by this thought you can make a definite and important change in yourself and other people lifes, may happen it can have this global effect, or a pre-stage for a change.
Why to hate, why to envy, why to grow up this forest of jealousy? Why to use this second of your life for doing that? I heard so many times before from myself - as well!, and from other people - my life is just so bad bad, I have only problems, the weather is so shity, I hate people in a bus, I want to be as rich as him/her....I got so bored by thinking like that and to hear it all the time, for couple of years ago. And than I said to myself - enough is enough. Why to use my time like that, when I rather can use it by more sufficient way? By doing (doing!!!) something good, by bringing to a life something good...Life is a flower :) What if I can change some things in this Universe, by starting a change from myself? I do not know how long my life will be, - and I think I do not want to know it exactly. I know It Is at the moment, and I want to live it that way, so people who know me - would remember me with a smile on their face, by what am I by my heart.

Butterlfy

I am little pretty butterfly
I burn myself in candle light
I am pretty little butterfly
I crash myself against the window

I try I dance
my pretty little wings
just magic shimmer
I fly above - up to the sky
than down again
the grass is green
i see the flowers
And I am free

I am a butterfly and you
are a man

I dance I fly
I burn I cry
I try - attempt
and than again
I am falling down

Once again
But than fly up

Like hypnotized

by fire, window and a wall

I like a fire
and its beauty
I just enjoy
its danger

but than it burns and though it hurts
and it destroys my dance

But still

I try I cry
I dance - Attempt

I fall on fire
give my life - all
for the danger
I like its feeling
and i give it all away
for danger sense

I dance my dance
it might be last

And you - a man
you watch me just

You could have helped
and saved my life
but than - for what?

It is law of nature,
it is so common
So why to break a nature rules?

you kept a hand
you was so patient
to wait for me to land on there

and than to bring me back again
and just to throw onto the air.

But now you can light the fire
So I can dance my dance intense
in short
and than just leave to nowhere
by silent fall of sparkling wings

....a fantasy? ola-laa

To use much words -
these stand just for *nothing
The best - I choose silence
The words are too
common
too boring
These does not express me
so much
no need to impress

being truly yourself
the beauty in whole
you probably than
understand

It*s all Universe
how can you describe it
in couple of words

the history, eras
epochs, all events
were taking a place
were placing the grains
the power of wind
the power of sun
were routing Oceans
on Earth
by thousands, hundreds
of years
and Clouds were running
the Rain - given drops
and Forests were blooming
the Air was Green
and so Shiny

were walking through Fields
Unicorns

that all i remember
that all i have seen
i keep it
i am silent

but not for myself
I say it someday
to someone
or someones
to those who re chosen
and able to keep it
to those -
who save and protect
they show the route -
but still
it is your choice

remember
there is no return
remember
there are certain rules
we all are the chain

which started
with born
of a star

about Love

It doesn’t need a reason
Neither an explanation
It’s something you give for free
But can’t get with a power

It is a highest law
For Life and for Being truly Free
It’s something you never can buy
But can own with an open heart
It’s something you never can just get
But already have it since you are born
And even long before

It can take a lifetime to discover it
To understand
To accept it
Within yourself

- but that’s great!

It’s something invisible, but
But might turn into visible in form of our actions
Sensible, by differently by various people

Truly it sets you free
Because naturally it tiden with forgiveness
By forgiveness you just let it go,
You break all blocks by opening up a lock
On your heart and mind
By accept you give yourself a chance
To sense it and let others sense it
All around.

7th dimension

Without any space

In 7th dimension -
Dimension of light

You find yourself
A true side

No fears -
Empowering yourself
Beyond a measure

A true nature
and else is
An illusion.

The eyes are opened
of your heart
It s warm.

A life discovery
again
First time

All meant to shine -
So everyone!

Feel Light
Emotion Journey
Breath

All joy you get -
You give again, -

And open up
The minds and hearts.

You make them smile
You make them laugh
You make them love
Appreciate.
To have Respect
and
to Forgive
Be honest
and Sincere True.


You have it all
Inside yourself

No fears -
Open.
Just discover,
Give.

Difficult simplicity

It’s easier just to lay, than go.
So easy is –
just make a pain,
Than say good words.

The easiest is to stay away,
To shut the door, and than,
To say: “Go out here! I don’t care”.
“No need! Don’t want!”
To run and say:
“Escape!”
So, not to go and begin
To write a new line –
For your life.
It means hard working –
Simple? Not!

It’s easier just to say than do.
“I will!”, and than you say:
“Forgot!”

To love is harder than to hate.
You have to offer something.
To steal and to fall down are
More simple than to give and raise.


To do the things as others do.
Not complicated.
You just follow
A river’s stream.

And than....
To throw all that far away -
That all, you keep inside so strong...
To throw away
From mind, from soul...
And close your heart -
By iron wall.

It seems more simple,
Than to think, and win.
To find the path, and bring to life
The goals, the dreams, the plans
You have
And than to say:
“I can!”

To save yourself –
It is not hard,
As hard as saving others, -
Much more to carry and to feel,
Not closing eyes for troubles.

Fridays are like Fridays

Well, I am trying to update here...
So far... I found I have a lot unpublished things on my PC
Never read by anyone. Or, read - but just by some few.
I thought, why these are just laying there - hidden from everyone?
Some of these things are quiet old, couple of years have gone for sure, -
Since these have been written.
It is so interesting to read these again after long time.
There is so much. Of me. Of life. Of experience. Of...
Maybe better not to say that much here. I will let you read and
understand these by yourself, through your own essence...

After reading these over again - once more - I want to say to all my friends: Thank you so much for being my friends and being with me through all these years.
I would never be what I am now - without all of you! Deep respect.

So little, but much


I have all my dreams from the heart
to share with you,
My friend.
I have all my feelings and sense
to share with you -
My friend.
All of a soul and all of my mind
to share with you
My friend.

The beauty of heaven and wind
Of mountains, rivers and rain -
To share with you, my friend...

I wish you were here -
More close to me.

But still
I wish you -
Enjoy!
Sun shines.
For always and ever.
Remember. -
I have so little but much...
to share with you
My friend.

Black and white

Black and white

In black and white I see it all
Don t feels the smell
And don t enjoy my everyday
This sky is white and earth is black
Her eyes are black
His hair is white
These strangers pass me by
His scream is loud
Her voice is soft
And clothes they wear
Are in black
In black and white are they?
Or what?
It s strange -
I see my life - so strange
Before in colors
Green and blue
And white
And yellow
Red and grey
And so in smells
Like flowers,
Bread and country side
And grass
But now yes, my grass is white
And sky s not blue
Not green, not yellow
Not grey not red
I understand
These are still there
Unseen by me or could not be
All seen by me
And only black
And only white
These keep alive
Until a new spring comes
Into
My heart

Memories from a past......

An Ocean. It has been a love from a first sight.I fell in love with it at once i saw it. From the very first second I got an experience of it. That first time I felt its gentle whisper and power of its waves, bringing you up...Bringing you down...Making you to forget everything else, and only enjoy its warm and caring cuddling. To calm down, to feel peace and only...No hate, no regret, no pain. Only being.
It has been so long time ago - I have been a child, running around on a beach for the first time. My parents were somewhere around, having a picnic on a grass. Strange - I still remember the color of a grass. Maybe, because it was not usual green color...It was a bit yellow, a bit brownish. Maybe, because it has been dry, but not hot. That year was a strange. The weather has been strange. It was 1987. In England they had coldest summer since 1740. It has not been that cold here. Just dry. I was running there on a sand, near the sea and watching my parents. Wind was blowing, bringing small crystals of a sand and drops of a salty water onto my face. I felt its smell. And I loved it. I loved the color of a sea. It hypnotized me, perhaps. That life has been strange. And I was running, following the sand line...Further and further. Soon I could not hear voice of my mother anymore. I heard only birds screaming above and this gentle whisper of a sea. That day I realized, my mother has passed. Birds were screaming about it. The sea was calming me down, by whispering the songs, greeting me by small salty drops, felt like tears running down on my cheeks, - making me feel happy and telling, telling, telling stories - about....lots of things...Universe. People who has been here before me. People who have passed. And these who will come. It has opened me another dimension of existence. That day I understood a lot and...I got one of the most closest friends I have ever had. I was 5 years old than.
I felt it has been best for me to be alone that time, besides the ocean, listening to the birds screaming, touching the stones and talking to the ocean. I had this close connection to it by somehow. Always I have been afraid of deep waters, but this was only making our communication much more exciting...It teach me how to trust my feelings, and keep it in touch with my mind. How to have a balance and be patient. Do not ask me how, but it teach me to see new opportunities in every difficulty. Maybe, because the ocean does not have limits. The power of it is not limited. It does not have a frame. Intuitively I learn t it already than. It helped me to survive and start living.

“As the ocean is never full of water, so is the heart never full of love”

Once in a spring

Still in Tallinn ;-


For these who still do not know - I am back to my homeland and beloved Tallinn,
already since 2,5 years ago. I am too la3y to blogg regularly.
Still miss Bergen!
I will be back for sure - so far in 2011 i think
and i need to complete my degree, hopefully it will be possible remote.

i discovered lately I am bored by Internet, phones and alarm clocks.
and got a plenty of new books

Miracles? i still believe in these, even if it seems funny to some of you

Just today...

Don't be afraid to love and to be loved.

Inside the rain

And in the rain. Yes, you are right it s raining again. It s raining, raining, raining. And it's Bergen...



A lot of sun,
a bit of rain
a bit of winter
lots of spring

we come
we grow
green and strong
we're sick,- sometimes,
but not for long

we bloom of love
and happiness
we cry, - sometimes,
of pain - in life,
in heart, in body, mind

we go, we run
we love, we learn
sometimes we hate
sometimes we kill
if not each other,-
our dreams
or just give up..
and pass. or leave.

we're strong
we're weak

'you!think by heart!'
it holds balance between
your soul and mind of yours..

we walk in rain
we burned by sun
we play with snow storm - we do!
and smell that sparkling autumn free3e..

We live the life
so simple's that...
we're the flowers -
here we are
to give you
light to smile...
and dream...
to love...
and care..
and forgive.