верность

верность - свидетельство силы...

Dear moments...

 

Dear moments, definitely are worth remembering!

 

My step-relative was visiting me these 2 days, and it has been an interesting time.

We have grown up together, were playing while being children, and surely doing some children affairs together. We were memorizing this time and walking around the city, also discovering some places. Some mixed feelings, as I have not seen Natalia for long time, and actually as teenagers we didn't get well along. But I was happy to see her. I really hope she enjoyed this time here. We had some good laughs, enjoyed the nature, and even made some little shopping. Girls :)

Jalutuskäik...

дождь из солнца!

Mоей любимой подружке Юлечке посвящается:

дождь из солнца

Kапал теплый дождь из солнца
на ладони прямо мне!
на газоне развалился томный кот,
весь в седине...
мы бежали словно дети,
крепко за руки держась -
под дождем, под солнцем
в лето,
там где падают кометы
по ночам за горизонт...
мы друзья и я так рада,
с этой светлостью иду
прямо в жизнь!
и ту звезду, что нашла в моем ты сердце,
с благодарностью несу...

Summer calls!

 

Most of amazing things in this life are for free! :)

Enjoy :)

Südamelöögid

''See on armastusest sündinud vaikus ei ole ükskõiksus, see ei tähenda, et ei ole midagi öelda. See on enesesuhtluse positiivne avaldus. Nii nagu kella tiksumise kuulamiseks on vaja vaikust, nii on vaikus ka see, mis laseb meid kuulda südamelööke.'' - Halford Loccoch

''Tõeline rõõm elus on see, kui saame olla kasulikud eesmärgile, mis meile võimas tundub, olla pigem loodusjõud, kui väike, värisev, isekas ja nurisev punder, mis kurdab, et maailm ei pühenda end sellele, et teda õnnelikuks teha.'' - George Bernard Shaw

Tак же как все, как все...

талантливая певица, неповторимая личность и просто очень красивый человек!

...Tак же как все, как все,
я по земле хожу, хожу
и у судьбы как все, как все,
счастья себе прошу...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7nIARAHhPoU

My gift to you...

 

Choose to be nothing less, than amazing!
You are here to experience...

My gift to you is a place in my heart.

- To lift you to a higher place,
a place where your heart is full
and your life is a pure joy...

A place, where time stands still,
A place, where you will discover
there is so much more...

Then you will touch
someone else's heart & life
as I have touched yours,
because you and I have always been one
& I always have been with you.

About...

Yesss!

Еще совсем чуть-чуть и переезд будет завершен! уже почти наслаждаюсь! только осталось распаковать и разложить книги и класс! зелень и пение птиц за окном, приятно потягивает дымком из камина, VH1 и я счастлива! Oh I wanna dance with somebody :) мур-мур-муррр!

Indians!

Sharing last summer joy :)

Results. Cool!

Music of Vanessa May, used by me in break through music therapy session with 6 year old girl (family with divorced parents) to help her to get out the feelings behind the ambivalence. Now 6 months are gone since we finished the cure with her, and it has been a success, both in short- and long term. - much better relations in kinder garden, making friends and openness to talk, courage to do the things. I am happy!

старыe клюшки

Если говорить о себе, то...гррр..у меня обнаружили грыжу в позвоночнике, и никуда на не денется. медикаменты да, всего лишь снимут боли. операция? нет, так как врач не полезет в позвоночник в поясничном отделе, слишком коварное место. надеюсь лишь на самый лучший исход, все под богом ходим. и на то, что она не разрастется.
а так, живу, смеюсь, плачу и радуюсь каждому дню этой жизни. с благодарностью иду и навстречу и солнцу, и дождю, и ветру.
Юлечка и Eмилечка спасибо огромное за вашу песню! тронуло почти до слёз, так с душой. я с вами и душой и сердцем, все будет хорошо, а то мы старыe клюшки совсем пo швам.

я вас люблю

Увидела сегодня одно знакомое лицо, и понесло! вспомнила как мы делали театральную постановку 'Мы - семья' несколько лет назад и нахлынули эмоции, связанные сo смыслом и людьми. здорово все таки что такие люди существуют. спасибо еще раз всем :) я вас люблю.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n5mQrwdgd7E

Жить в кайф

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EsX-0VBb0j0

Kevad

 

Kevad algas südames :)

 

 

Ludovico Einaudi

Beautiful music of one of my favourite composers:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sHZHtYkn_Qc

Jazz

De spiller jazz, jeg danser!
Jazz, den evige jazz...
noter flyr opp og ned,
dette er en krig I fred!
jeg kan ikke finne ord for uttrykk...
musikken er ferdig for lenge siden,
men lyden er fortsatt I rommet,
emosjoner, dans...
Jazz.den evige jazz!
Genialt.

i alle tider. in all times

jeg er så glad,den dør til himmelen...finnes her!i verden, som er fri. navn til dette...prøv å gi?
kjærlighet! fra hjerte til hjerte...solen skinner for alle :)

I am so glad, the door to heaven is found here, in the world, which is free...
it's given a name, it's love! unconditionally. from heart to heart...sun is shining for everyone :)

thank you!!

Thank you my dear friends Francesco and Julia for all kind support. I am very thankful I have both you as friends. I appreciate this friendship a lot. Thank you for believing in my dreams and visions. And I am happy you trust me your dreams and great visions and great plans with your heart. It opens up a whole world for me, the world and true essence of life. I wish I could hug both of you.

музыка

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f5dBHWV6vzo

рифмоплёт

рифмы прыгали, смеялись,
и водили хоровод!
а смеясь те надорвались,
обозвали - рифмоплёт!

мама. mother.

тебе я благодарна,мама!
за то терпение, что ты
несла ко мне,-
так через сердце..
за ласку, строгость и свободу!
ты дала мне
решать самой.
я говорю тебе спасибо,
от всей души теперь!


I am grateful to you, mother!
for the patience that you
brought to me,-
so through the heart..
for the affection, rigor, freedom!
you gave to me
decide for myself.
I say thank you,
From all my soul!

зарисовка

мне на плечи тихо падал
нежный, ласковый закат..
по щеке скатилась грустно
белокрылая слеза...
небеса кричали:
Будет!
ты не плачь ,ты подожди!
счастье будет. будет точно!
то не в грусти,то в любви!

From the voice lesson

One song

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ojJ88_ZtnqU

i sang in Norway in Adventist Churh in approximately year 2005,among other songs.

Маяковский

искры сыплются куда-то..
самолет стремится ввысь!
рев машин,
уздечка жжет.
а на полке Маяковский так скандирует,
лежит!
в дверь стучат,а дрель сверлит!

весенний вечер. one evening in the spring

дождик капает в ладони,
запах солнцa в небесах!
а в мыслях уже -
давно ли?
полуночная звезда!

+++

rain is dropping into the palm,
smell of sun is in the sky!
in my thoughts there is already -
how long I have?
a midnight star!

потанцуем!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-nBt6EXNySg

Ja nii...

Kirikumuusikale applaus.

это важно

моя любовь к человеческой личности безгранична.

волны. waves

бледный свет луны,
синий отблеск твоей печали...
не о том те волны кричали...
обещаний мы не давали.
те свободу нам обещали.
нет, они не играли

+++

pale light of the moon,
blue glow of your sorrows...
not about that the waves were screaming...
we did not give any promises.
they promised us freedom.
No, they were not playing

мечты. dreams

где живут мои мечты ?
в золотистых облаках,
там уютно и тепло
в детском смехе,
что лучится в глазах.
в синем небе, высоко
ближе к звездам,
что шепчут мне слова.
мне дороги они.
мечта есть светлый план
и всем дается он.

+++

where are living my dreams?
in golden clouds!
there is cozy and warm.
in the children's laughter,
that shines in the eyes.
in the blue sky, high
closer to the stars,
which whisper me the words.
they are dear to me.
A dream is a bright life plan
and to all are given on.

прогулка

шум моря в моем сердце.океан поэзии.я люблю тебя Пушкин! легкий бриз, он обдувает мне лицо. пыль не жжет.я слышу чаек.они уносят ввысь мои мечты. я живу.

One beautiful song

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gikf5IrZEOg

скажу

мне улыбнуло ярко.
кусочек неба .
в сердце звон.
слышу шопот облаков.
ты - мечта.

зарисовка

океан безногий скачет!
звезды вынесла водa.
a на небе лучезарно
светит белая лунa.

танец смеха

танец смеха :)
мне снежинки
принесли твои смешинки,
со щeки сползли в живот!
мы устроим хоровод.

Inspiration

Inspiration comes from within and out of the blue

without warning it sometimes comes from both
if it comes from within we are all capable of it
which is true from time to time
but true inspiration comes from the blue
B elief in true inspiration comes from the
L ight who gives it to you
U ltimate belief in what you do
E ntirely from him to you

- David Stuart Jones

the wish and the power

You are never given a wish without being given the power to make it come true.
- Richard Bach

искристый свет

Oт солнца лучик на ладони!
искрится и смеется он...
ты подарил его сегодня,
подброшу к небу.
Cнова сон.

поймай тот отблеск,
если сможешь!
искристый смех -
ты с ним лети!
получишь все, что сам захочешь,-
с лучами солнца ты иди..!

Päike

Päikest on armastus täis.

березы

Kогда-то тут стояли 3 березы. высокие стволы. тонки 3 леди.
березы спилены. пеньки хранят так много.
года.десителетия.
там громкий детский смех искристый.
и игры в карты на скамейке.
скакалки. классики.резинки запутаны о свол.
бутылка водки с рюмкой на скамейке.сосед. и разговор.
2 кошки. сидят и смотрят. беломор.
березы. пеньки.
так много те хранят о нас, о нашем доме, детстве
и любимых людях, ушедших и живых.
березы.
они дарили лучезарность,приветливость гостям.
так жаль.

Летняя гроза

Светит. Катится. Вдруг капнет.
Громыхнуло.
Летняя гроза.
За облаками молния сверкает.
Еще разряд. Пространство тока.
Все серо.
И только лучик озаряет тропинку к тополю.
Листва шуршит и защищает от летнего дождя.  

Золотые облака

Мне ангел шепнул, я с тобою всегда.
так тихо, услышала все же.
и все засыпаю,подушку свою обнимаю.
а ангел обнял , не уходит,
сидит и так тихонько смотрит.
тебя храню я, ты не бойся.
никто не тронет, не обидит. 
окутаю светом и солнцем.
грозу над тобой разгоню.

Куремяе

Все няшно.Лучисто, золотисто и солнечно.
Съездила в Куремяе.Такая светлая атмосфера, где очень легко просто быть и svobodno дышать.Помню поездки туда когда мне было лет 15-16, с ночевкой и добрых с открытым сердцем обитателей монастыря. интересно, каково это жить и посвятить жизнью служению богу? интересно, но когда то у меня мелькала мысль пожить при монастыре.многому учишься.но, больше учишся в настоящей жизни, в реальности, когда напрямую соприкасаешся с реальными ситуациями и проблемами.

Восхищаюсь

Публикую некоторую мою писанину.

Звездопад.
Сияешь,смотришь .
Ищешь,но не находишь.
Слова бессмысленны.
Восхищаюсь.

факт!

мечты сбываются. это проверенный факт.

Whispers from the heart

 

Whispers from the heart. From art-therapy session. Think by heart :) Dream world. Courage. Soul, mind and heart. Free imagination.

мощнейшая музыка!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MO5sB56rfzA&list=PLE6996668EC37137C

отпуск

утреннее солнышко светит в окно, отпуск продолжается. на завтра в планах поездка в мой родной город Йыхви, а там и до Тойла с Куремяе рукой подать.великие дела не ждут, а то бишь вскопка огорода. а сегодня так -  музыка и книжки!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3p5QqKANMWo

 

 

 

        скучаю по вам, мои солнечные!

Такая солнечная!

Kогда - тo давненько я написала этюд на тему: Какого оно цвета, это Рождество. А теперь вот задумалась по поводу Пасхи.Она непременно желтая - желтая. Такая солнечная, с улыбками в сердцах людей, с запахом нарциссов и синим синим таким небом. Золотистая такая с улыбкой мамы,ее теплыми руками и иконкой Богородицы.Желтыми такими длинными горящими свечками и светлым таким чуством. Совсем по настоящему.

пасхa!

Хочется всех поздравить с праздником Светлой пасхи. Вроде совсем недавно было рождество, но теперь уже весна и солнце. Если в прошлом году я встретила пасху с друзьями,то v этом году я одна. Видимо на то это состояние, чтобы подумать. Гуляла в Пирита, у моря, встретила одну женщину,она sama с Украины, живет в КПЗ и просит милостыню на еду. В квартире где она живет произошло убийство и ее поместили в КПЗ. так и живет уже некоторое время, но не унывает. хотелось ее обнять,чтобы сил добавилось.питается наверняка не регулярно. а мелочь я свою всю отдала уже бабушке на улице, и нечем ей помочь было. дошли вместе до перекрестка и распрощались. в душе что то перевернулось,не смогла ей помочь копейкой. Молю Бога чтобы у таких бабушек что на улице и таких людей как это женщина было здоровье и чтобы ангел их хранил.а еще чтобы руки политиков все же дошли до того, чтобы пенсию повысить и сделать что то практически, чтобы таких бед и бедных материально людей было меньше.

Our actions

Our actions, thoughts, words show God in us. Honesty with yourself is the most important.

The song

Deeply touching song. I feel really like crying while listening to it. True love.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jA1qaOu_TDk&feature=share

The dimension of life, death, love, sincerity, peace and eternity. Something we do not have complete power over.

The course

Today I have been to the course named Opening your natural voice. It has been definitely interesting, both work and great people and hugging :)  As on regular vocal lessons there is more technical work and mind work, so there has been more so to say body work, acting, throwing all the barriers away and just being in the atmosphere of love. A lot of good laughing and relaxing exercises. Thank you all people there.

Thunderstorm

The air is full of thunderstorm
grey-red
I stand under the clouds
I can hear the resonance of nature
Powerful
Full of love
Until the tears running

Õhk on äikest täis
Hall ja punane
Ma seisan pilvede all
Saan kuulda looduse resonantsi
Võimas
Täis armastust
Kuni pisarad jooksevad

As always

Today there is a regular vocal lesson, and at the moment we are studying Vaccai. It goes slowly. This week there is a course Open your natural voice, I wonder if I join. More yes, than no, if I will be in Tallinn. Definitely some interesting people to meet and new things to learn.

Imagine!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GPeB6kGxWY0

Me and my hippie world

 

Shot from my music therapy session with Alice Pehk. The world without prejustices. Love, peace, openness.

All is open

If someone would ask me about how it goes, to tell you the truth it is hard to say. The week has been hard. Before to start main study on music therapy, I started to join therapy myself, it is must with 5 sessions. It has caused some hard moments with tears and pain. I think therapy processes has started and some levels of my consciousness has opened graved feelings, emotions and experiences of what has happened in my life til now. Mostly connected to childhood, my father death,victim situation and a suicide attempt for many years ago.  I must say I appreciate this life too much now, to let it go the way , which would bring unhappiness.

просмотрела тут свой записи с 2009 года. Да, теперь точно могу сказать,в 2010 году произошел перелом, и какая-то ненужная по видимому часть отключилась,отвалилась и уступила место здравому смыслу и ясности, но это уже после кучи таблеток и полета  на скорой помощи ( что интересно, когда меня в 2010 году откачивали, помню до скорой помощи и капельницы то, что как будто я как облачко смотрю вниз, а там 2е моих друзей смотрят как врачи скорой помощи возятся со мной. на самом деле, там был только один из этих друзей. но видела я обоих наверное потому что они были самые близкие мне по духу на тот момент.) дальше все изменилось.безмерно благодарна всем врачам, друзьям и людям которых встретила в больнице. только настоящие друзья меня поняли. остальные отвалились,или я отвалилась от них. Бог видит я люблю жизнь,и этот шаг скорее всего был сделан из отчаяния и какого то внутреннего отказа понимать ситуацию, какого то бунтарства.  было ли это верно? могло бы обойтись и bez этого, но то что произошло, того не изменишь.для меня это принесло ясность и четкость понимания, ненужное ушло, растворилось.читаю вот записи 2009-2010 годов и понимаю,  это я, какая то часть моей личности,но я ее больше не ощущаю.может просто раны,если они были, вылечены.
хотя если честно, то немного грустно, что также отвалилось что то креативное, мои попытки писать стихи, по детски наивно и доверчиво, с открытой душой.может, я обрастаю скорлупой, если честно не хочется. но скорлупа она же защита от грубости, неправильного понимания. в яишницу тоже не хочется превращаться. жить это искусство. я буду цыпленком.

I have to say, thank you Meeli Allas, you have been a strong support for my heart and a soul through all these years. Thank you, Brando Palacios, you are a dear friend for me, even if far away, very near soul. Thank you all great people I have met during all these years and since 2010. These 3 years, has definitely changed my life, cardinally.

There are some situations now which call me to renew and to review my principles.

Molitva

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0om32xUbhtU&list=RDtGAy-7C_RB0

About children

дети есть продолжение святой любви

Reading

http://psyjournal.ru/psyjournal/articles/detail.php?ID=2689

One step closer...

My music therapy practice is now ended. 10 sessions are done. Now all the way to write my final paper. A good feeling of helping someone. It's a real motivator. Something you do by heart. Something, what is giving both short term and long term results. It is  a really challenging process. In addition to that, there is a process of working with yourself. Your client issues makes you to discover your own weak and painful points. Thank to my first little client  :)

 

The best and the most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched - they must be felt with a heart.

Helen Keller

Ocean of my dreams, Mirabai Ceiba

autumn

Täna helistas üks naine, kes küsis informatsiooni meie elektri pakettide kohta. Rääkisin temale nendest. Siis edasi hakkas ta rääkima, et juba mitu korda on proovitud ühele inimesele helistada, kuid see ei võta toru, ning tuleb vaid kinnine toon. Ta muretses äkki tal ei tööta telefon. Oli väga kurb hääles, tundus et sooviks oma sõbrannaga suhelda, kuid kuidagi ei saa temaga kontakti telefonitsi. Võtsin selle sõbranna telefoni numbri et leida tema meie süsteemis, ning vaadata äkki tal modem offline, ning telefon tõesti ei tööta. Lubasin sellele naisele tagasi helistada. Edasi avasin tema sõbranna profiili ning leidsin üles, et modem on täitsa välja lülitatud. Hakkasin lugema kanneid selle inimese nimel ning leidsin et see inimene on surnud, meile saadeti tema surmatunnistuse. Kohe hakkas kurb. Mõtlesin selle naise peale, kes helistas. Et ta kunagi ei suhtle oma sõbrannaga enam, ega ei näe teda. Kui palju ta tahtis temaga rääkida, ning nüüd kunagi ei saa. Helistasin tagasi talle. Ütlesin, et talon modem ei ole sisse lülitatud, kuidagi keel ei liikunud talle öelda, et tema suri, ning mul ei olnud selleks õiguse, kuna ta ei avaldanud selle sõbranna isikukoodi. Ta hakkas jälle rääkima, nagu tunneks, et midagi on juhtunud, et nii tahaks temaga vestelda. Soovitasin talle proovida selle sõbranna sugulastega kontakti saada. Ei teadnud mis ma võin veel talle öelda ning kuidas aidata. Kuidagi kõik see läks sügavalt südamesse. Suurim osa inimestest ei pea surma otsima. See leiab neid ise. See ei mõtle selle peale, et neil on elu, sõbrad, kallimad ja sugulased olemas.

Stuff

http://spb-psy.ru/pages.php?id=priv

They are leaving

Today I got 2 surprises, one made me feel happy, another one made me feel sad. Today I met my good friend and her daughter, whom I have not seen for some month. I was really glad to see them again. But, they travel away to Belorussia this Friday, and this made me feel sad. They travel for longer time, and not sure when they come back. It has been very sudden news. At the same time I feel calm for them, I am sure they will have a better time there, surrounded by family and relatives, than here in Estonia, where they really had a lot of stress and didn't feel very safe. Emilia has drawn a picture of autumn and she was hugging me so tide, as she understood we will not see each other for longer time. It touched my heart a lot. We shared so many beautiful moments together since the spring. Beautiful summer, with many walks outside. Hard and funny moments. Good laughs. They are ones of my best friends. I will really miss them.

One monday. Just finished on music therapy session, and 3 more sessions left for my practice. Already need to start to write my final thesis for it, with a theme Divorce and children, divorce impact on children.

Pilk iseendasse. 8 kuud. Pilte protsessipäevikust.

Mõni inimene ei näita tõelist end, sest võib olla tal ei ole usaldust teise inimese vastu ning ta kaitseb end sellega, et sulgeb end ja enda isiklikku ruumi, nagu paneks üks rauast ülikond peale.

Sain aru kui tähtis olla aus, avameelne, enesemäärav, ja saada aru vastutusest, selleks et edukalt suhtlema.

Mõnikord blokeerime oma emotsioone, sest kardame et keegi teine ei aksepteeri neid. Sellised blokkid võivad pärast resulteeruda peavalus, masenduses või teises raskes psühhilises seisundis.

Tähtis võtta endale koht mõtlemiseks, situatsiooni kommenteerimata. Liiga kiir otsus võib olla mitte just see õige. Kuid jah, palju sõltub situatsioonist. Mõnikord inimesed mõtlevad väga sügavalt ning ignoreerivad oma emotsioone. Mõnikord see emotsionaalne otsus on just õige just selle inimese jaoks. See on nii individuaalne.

Kui tähtis usaldus on? Kui tähtis on anda vabaduse otsustamiseks ja enda kehtestamiseks et inimlikke suhteid ehitama. Kui tähtis on austada inimese isiklikku ruumi ja toetada selle arenemisel. Aidata tal olla julge, asepteeruda seda julgust. Aidata või anda tal väljendada iseenda viisil tal tundub mugav, ohutu ja kreatiivselt isiklik.

Kui tähtis on panna tähele sümptoome,et inimesel ei ole kõik korras, erinev käitumine, erinev hääleoon, kehakeel. Mis kehahoiak emotsionaalselt ütleb. See tähele panemine võib ennustada raskemaid sutuatsioone.

Mis on tähtis minu jaoks.Perekond. Lugupidamine. Hoolimine.Soojus. Sõprus. Arusaamine. Mitte puhas kontroll. Lahendatud situatsioonid.

On inimesi kelle silmades või kehahoiakus on näha lootusetust.

Arusaamine. Armastus. Suhted. Sõprus. Erinevad inimesed, erinevad maailmad.

Vihkamisel on oma musikaalne struktuur, toon ja resonnants. Vihkamine tundub olevat mürgiline, nii inimesele kes vihkab ja sellele keda ta vihkab.

Negatiivseid emotsioone, tunnete väljendamist ei peaks kartma, nendest võiks proovida aru saada.

Gruppi improvisatsioon õppesessioonil. Meeldis väga trumme mängida. Palju ruumi kreatiivsuseks. Mõtted pärast sessiooni: olla vaimustatud elu võimsusega. Reflekteeruma. Olla võimeline nautida nii heledaid kui ka elu tumedamaid toone. Ma ei saa teada kõike selles elus. Ma saan ainult olla vaimustatud nagu väike laps imet oodates, kogu tema südamega.

- Hoia oma südant enam, kui kõike muud. Südant tuleb hoida, sest sellest lähtub elu. Iidne tarkus.

Et suuda tõepoolest kuulata, tuleb kõik eelarvamused kõrvale heita. Kui te olete vastuvõtlikkus seisundis, on asjadest lihtne aru saada. Õnnetuseks on meil ja kuulatava vahel vastupanu sirm. See sirm koosneb psühholoogilisest ja teadikkest või igapäevastest muredest, soovidest ja hirmudest ja läbi nende hirmude sirmi me kuulamegi. Seepärast kuulame me õigupoolest iseenda müra, enda halt, mitte seda mis öeldakse. Krishnamurti.

Loovus ei oma mingeid standarte. Ei ole inimesi kes ei oleks loov. Iga viis väljendada loovust on unikaalne nagu sõrmejälg.

Täna mõtlesin kui tänulik olen enda vanematele, kes andsid mulle vabadust ise otsusi ja valikuid teha.

Music is truly love itself. The purest, most ethernal language of emotions, embodying all their changing colours in every variety shading and nuance. Carl Maria von Weber. Ilus.

Minevik võiks olla õpetaja, õppetund. Mis oli seal selleks et õppida midagi uut või millestki aru saama,selleks et toimuks mingi muutus. Inimesed ei saa selle protsessi kontrollida. Arvan, et minevikust ei pea hoidma nagu raskest kaalust.

Sõprus. Mõnikord ei ole vaja isegi sõnu. Sõbrad on alati mu südames, sõltumata kui kaugel nemad on.

People take different roads seeking fulfilment and happiness. Just because they are not on your road, does not mean they have gotten lost. Dalai Lama

Üks kaunemaid hetki elus on siis kui näed teist inimest naeratamas...ja veelgi ilusam on teadmine, et just sina oled selle naeratuse põhjustajaks. Jaana Kruus

Unistused on tähtsad. Neid tuleb hoida.

Maailm on meie peegeldus. Mõnikord näeme teistes meie oma nähtamatuid küljesid.

Elu eesmärk ei ole kannatada, vaid aru saada.

Nähtamatu punane niit ühendab neid kes on määratud kohtuma, vaatamata aega, kohta ja asjaolusid. Niit võib venitada või minna segadusse, kuid mitte kunagi puruneb.

Mõtlesin kui hirmus on tunda et keegi sind ei vaja. Inimesel on vaja lähedust, aru saamist ja et keegi hoolib su eest.

Haabras kevadine tunne. Esimesed lumekellukesed.

Munadepühad. Käisin kirikus.

Lugesin kadedusest. Kas olin kunagi olnud kade? Olin. Minu emal on olemas lapselaps, ning ta on 1 aasta noorem kui mina. Lapsepõlves olin armukade, sest mulle tundus et tema armastati rohkem kui mind ja anti rohkem tähelepanu. Juba ammu ei ole armukade suhtes, kuid mäletan hästi seda tunnet. Praegu ei ole kade kellegagi vastu. Olen lihtsalt avalik asjadele mis tulevad mu ellu, võtan neid vastu südamega. Usun et iga asi tuleb õigel ajal. Ning olen väga tänulik inimestele kes tulevad mu ellu ja keda olen juba kohtunud.

Lugesin suitsiiditest. Ikka on palju noori ja täiskasvanud kes valivad seda teed. Olen ise olnud kogu selle asja läbi, ning saan aru kui tähtis on märgata varakult sümptoome et selliseid asju ennetama. Kellelgi on raske seda otsust tegema ja endast elu võtta, kellelgi on väga raske elus jääda ja edasi elada. Minu jaoks see oli kange üleminek ja enda elu ja väärtuste ümbermõistmine. Olen tänulik igale inimesele kellega olen tol ajal kokku puutunud ja olen tänulik toele mis olen saanud arstide ja sõprade poolt.

Mu kasuvend on haiglas, koomas. On olnud alkohoolik rohkem kui 15 aastat. Arstid ütlevad et seal on vähe lootust. Aga on. Alati on. Ta on väga heasüdamlik inimene ning tal on kuldsad käed. Palvetan tema eest, panin küünla põlema.

Nahhaalsus on teine õnn mõne jaoks. Mõne jaoks see on absoluutselt loomulik. Härrr!

Mõnikord selleks et õnnelik olla on vaja lihtsalt julgust.

Your body cannot heal without a play Your body cannot heal without a laughter Your body cannot heal without a joy - Catherine Fenwich

Lugesin Pushkini luuletusi.

Päevamõte: Tõtt ei ole, on olemas arvamused.

Mis loob turvalisuse? Soojus, avatus, rääkimine asjadest, lugupidamine, sõbralikkus, hoolivus.

Tegin teraapia käigus pilti sõprusest. Kes on sober minu jaoks? Iseseisev isiksus, võime olla erinevad, erinevate arvamustega, kuid on aksepteerimine, midagi hingeliselt sarnast. Huumorimeel on tähtis. Mäletan et kooliajal mul oli hea sõbranna, väga delikaatne. Mina vahel viskasin nalja, millest ta ei saanud aru, kuid see ei seganud. Mõlemal olid sarnased huvid, armastus looduse ja kunsti, muusika vastu. Väga kahju et me ei suhtle enam, isegi interneti kaudu. Igatsen teda.

Lahkusin töökohast, ehk Hurtigruteni müügitööst. Ei ole kahju. Õppisin palju, kuid on uusi väljakutseid, sooviks rohkem inimestega kontaktis olla, ning mitte norra keeles ning mitte nii suurte raha summadega.

Oma sünnipäeva veetsin oma kalli sõbrannaga ja tema lapsega. Sain lille ning jalutasime Kadriorus. Oli ilus ilm. Rääkisime palju elust, unistustest, lihtsalt nautisime lapsega jalutamist. Rahulik ja rõõmus.

Koolist on puhkus. Hakksin töötama Rimis. Eriti palju vaba aega ei ole. Töö ja sõbrannaga aja veetmine. Olen tänulik, et mul selline sober on olemas. Isegi kui mõnikord mulle tundub et ta võiks delikaatsem olla, kuid austan tema otsekohesust. Loen Irvin Jalomi raamat psühhoteraapiast. Tegin palju pilte lilledest. Lill on ime. Nendes on maagiat. Ja veel üks imeline asi - veepursk! Puhas rõõm.

Alustasin uuel töökohal, klienditeeninduse kõnekeskuses. Minu mentoriks sai väga siiras, avameelne ja otsekohene isiksus. Avaldas mulle palju oma elust, lapsepõlvest ja tundeelust. Rääkisime ka suhetest. Nii huvitav, et nii erinevad arusaamised, ootused ja vaaded meil on.

Esimene teraapia seanss on läbi viidud. Läks pingeliselt, kuid üldiselt olen rahul.

Julgus formuleerida mõtteid. Julgus sekkuda. Julgus veendunud olla.

Prison, Århus and a new week

Today we visited open prison close to Odense. It was interesting indeed! We got some walking tour on a territory and also got into one small museum where are collected things from different years.
Next day we went to Århus for a trip, with a bus. We walked in Århus old city, a very beautiful one. I got my feet all wet and ended up in Århus library til we went back home. We arrived for a supper. It was a very nice trip.
Week started with visiting Anne Lise home for a danish coffee and pre-christmas danish cake and also some presents exchange. Also we got last lesson for welness class where we got foot bath and some relaxing music. Today, Tuesday - we had Mette's class with a discussion about white privilege.

New week!

This sunday we had a tour to Odense Christmas market. I saw also some street theater there. Weekend went very quickly. And I forgot to meantion on Saturday we had some fun with candie workshop, where we made some chocolade candies. Monday went quickly with Welness class, where we studied about aroma oil and also made back massage to each other. It has been very delightful and I fully enjoyed it. Tuesday we had Mette's Take the future class with another topic about unconditional love and on how we can teach ourselves to think differently. Swimming went quickly..i have been too la3y. But for sure it was good with a sauna... :D

Onions, apple juice and Sigur Ros

Today we have been to Gyldensteen onion and vegetable factory, and saw how onions are sorted and packed. Its history goes back to 1717, when Jean Henri Huguetan was elevated to the rank of Count by the Danish King and assumed the title and name Count of Gyldensteen. We saw the production and machinery inside the factory and also tasted apple juice produced on a factory. It has been very interesting, and we also got a chance to taste an apple juice, which was one of the best I ever tasted. Factory has in total 2126 ha and growing up not only onions, but also other type of vegetables as potatoes, wheat, corn, broccoli, permanent grass and apples. They have both yields and forest with oaks, beech, softwood and firewood. They also produce an apple juice, which is sold mainly in Copenhagen.
Also we got some discussion about new rule for foreigners in Denmark, which is one of the most stupid things I have heard of.
Later on I had a short lesson with Anne-Lise, where we talked a bit about music videos, its cost and value. In particular we talked about Sigur Ros productions, and also some Danish artists. Sigur Ros is one of my favourite artists. I consider them as musicians working with a strong concept. They make mainly experimental, ambient and symphonic music. Their music videos are great and can be seen as in short film perspective. These wake up many thoughts about problems within society and also some global topics as air pollution, atomic weapons and nature resources' usage. They bring to audience not only music and pictures, but also something to think about and to discuss.

Coaching

Today we had Mette's lecture and workshop on and about coaching. We got some stuff and also practiced as by being coach and coachee. It has been very interesting and also very good to learn. I reflected much on own knowledge and also learnt some new things.

Why coaching? Because:
- coaching helps to live full potential
- coaching is always headed forwards - towards a goala
- coaching is supporting and challenging the coachee
- coaching has the basic idea, that we create our reality in our mind, and we can achieve almost anything we want, if we are motivated and focused - and clear on our priorities.

What is coaching good for?
- to get you from dreams to reality
- to focus on idea until action
- to help you to know where are you going
- to get you clear on your values, which again helps you to make your choices
- to support you in an individual world
- to go from confused to clear
- to make a group or team focus on the same goal, and find common solutions.

Coaching is NOT a therapy and it is not heading backwards.

What made me to who I am?
Life wheel
Goal
Action plan

What is good to give you a motivation:
meditation, yoga, people, music, sleep, food, sports, life stories, visible results, breath, will, images, jogging, vacation, nature, party.

What can help?
- to draw up the line clearly
- to understand and handle preventions
- to take small steps
- to keep focus
- to create happiness on the way
- to create energy
- clarity-clarity-clarity

Values:
What would you do all in your life to achieve...
Peace, security, family, love, happiness

What will that give to you?
Satisfaction, selvrealisation

Some main spots:
How satisfied are you with
- health
- personal development
- family
- friends
- economy
- career
- relationships
- spirituality
-- scale 1-10

What goal do you have and what you need to achieve your goal.
What you need to make it happen and what are your values?
What can prevent you of making it and what are resolution steps.

For example, my goal is to study Danish and be able to be fluent in it.
What I need? I find that meditation, enough sleep, good food, some sports, party, breath and a good will would help me to achieve my goal. I need to work with myself and not to be too la3y. I need to start doing things practically, not just talking about it. I need to learn not only about language, but also about culture. To be more happy and motivated through the sports, communication, physical activities and music. To have more will to study!
What can prevent me on my way?
Being too la3y, not proper usage of a free time, maybe lack of communication with native speakers.
And resolution steps are: doing some sports regularly, meditation, yoga - gives more energy and self confidence, going to parties more often, social activities, getting enough sleep in peacful and quiet environment, going to bed earlier.

ACTION!
- the biggest prevention/gift is your own head
- the gift is that you can do something - you do not have to wait for anybody
- all you can do is your best - the rest is not up to you.
- remember!Life is worth it. There is a gold in the end of a tunnel.

When you achieve something you want, you feel so much great. It gives much power and energy. It is much about an attitude towards the life and things happening with us and around us.

Wednesday

Painting in the morning, healthy lunch and quick visit to a library. I ended up with books about a life style and 3 films on Danish. Yes, now I am ready to study more Danish language. This is my goal for next few weeks. Also, today is already 1 of december!Cannot believe!I already look forward to start Mindfull Living course.
Yesterday we learnt about aura and energy. Here is some of information:

Aura as part of the human being
An aura consists of very fine vibrating energies, that is what we often “see/feel” as a person’s good or bad vibrations. Aura is an expression of a human beings personality and potentials.
You can say that a human being has five different bodies: The physical, the ethereal, the astral, the mental and the spiritual. The word aura means radiance. The aura is reflections of the non-physical aspects of the human being.
The physical body: a tool to express all levels of ourselves, it is a picture of our energy, thoughts, feelings and qualities. Your body shows who you are.
The ethereal body: It receives, layers and pass on life energy. It has to spread and coordinate life energy to the physical body. There are four layers in the ethereal body:
outer 1: health layer,
outer 2: What we do in life, (how we manifest)
SKIN
inner 3: truth layer, (balance in who we are, and who we show we are)
inner 4: the chemical structure (what receives life energy prana from the sun)
The astral body: is motivating us and giving us the energy to start things. It is about attraction and its opposite.
The mental body: Gives our lives direction – it creates pictures visions and explanations.
The spiritual body: Is our “I am” is our identity. It is all the abilities that stay with us throughout our lives, our true potential and quality.

To be well, to be able to live our qualities, we have to have good energy flow through the ethereal in order to get in touch with the astral and spiritual. People of today are reaching out for the spiritual – the meaning – the answer to “why am I here”. According to Helen Gamborg, a danish physiotherapist, the ability to do so is a matter of being in touch with “all your bodies, but particularly the spiritual body. Her studies are based on the theory of Bob Moore.

slow Saturday

Today was wonderful. We took a walk from Harritslev to Bogense. Very snowy and sunny weather - real pre-Christmas weather!!We also dropped by a library and back by horse riding place. It was very cold by the end. I borrowed some good book and also a danish film The Escape, which we saw in the afternoon.

Long weekend

This weekend is long and we already had free yesterday, on Friday!
We got lots of nice snow and Christmas tree in a yard! It looks beautiful.
I have not done anything special these days, just doing absolutely nothing, sleeping, and oh yeah we got some party and chill too. So, sleeping, chatting with friends and surfing Internet.
This week we made a small presentation of Estonian Song festival on Take the Future class. It has been fun, because we also printed out some songs and sung them together with Youtube. And yeah, again much homework to do, need to read read read :-)

English and a music

We had no English lesson today, as seems Anne-Lise became sick. But Ai played some wonderful music for us and we made some small translations for yearbook.
Later on, on wellness class we went for a meditation and walk on a beach. It was cold and windy, but at the same time, it was very fresh and it was nice to smell the sea. Each of us found a stone or a shell to concentrate on during the meditation.
Than we came back to the school and started with a hand massage, and back massage. It was a very pleasant to get relaxed.

Fishing

Sunday was a fishing!We went by car somewhere on country side. There were kind of 2 lakes and plenty of people with fishing equipment. I think there were around 20 persons for 2 small drops of water. We were there for some hours and no fish caught! Although some other fishermen got some fish. Than it started to rain and I went to the car, where i was sitting for an hour. Before that we made a little walking with Stiina, maybe for couple of km. I slept around one hour when we were back home.

- Japanese style

Yesterday we had Japanese style party with sushi and drinks. Sushi was great to make, it was the first time in my life I tried to make them. It went pretty well. I made some rolls and japanese people really liked it.
Party time, well...Time went pretty quickly..I also got some back and shoulder's massage. It was very painful, because I have hard muscles. Need to relax and train more. Also need to rest and make some light training while sitting long with PC, to strech muscles.
Today is Saturday and I slept really a lot after yesterday's party as I felt really sick. So I slept all the time after 12 am til a dinner time 6 pm. Actually, I even didn't want to eat much. Although i ate some good food - cooked potatoes and some vegetables, but without any appetite. I think I became a bit homesick. I like it here in school, but I miss my mum actually.
Tomorrow hopefully I sleep again and do some yoga together with Japanese girls.
Also I really need to do some homework and read documents for Take the future workshops.

Studying

Time is going and today is already Friday. Party time!!!Yeah, this time we will have sushi evening. And sushi are going to be made by japanese students. I will try to make some photos!
I have free time until the lunch, and after lunch we have Danish lesson, where I suppose to do more independent work, because my Danish skills are on more higher level than other students.
In fact, I understand Danish well, if danes are talking slowly. That is because if Norwegian language. And I think, I got really great experience while working on helpdesk and serving some Danish and Swedish customers.
Yesterday we had an interesting Core subject with Mette, where we talked about World in balance and a World in disbalanse. We made a little brain storming and made a picture on how our world could be. And what we could do in disbalanse situation to get it into harmony. It touchs both politics and educational institutions. My resolution was to communicate clear and proper information and motivation through political, press and educational institutions to people. So they have a chance to know current situation and be active about it, to be updated on problems and try to find solutions.
I think activity is a very important if we want to get a better life, a better situation and not to let problems grow within our society.

And I promised myself to tell you a bit about a course which I am going to take in December...
So, it will touch such topics as:
- mind's nature
- meditation and self - why deep meditation is needed
- Buddistic life philosophy - happiness nature and Nirvana
- How to find own methods to practise of mindfullness
strategy of living in every day
- 7 mindfull principles in a Danish case
- Authensity
- yoga - onesness, training and meditation
- cafe meetings with open discussion and life histories
- Bhutan - luck and spirituality - together with growing, culture and nature
- Luck and life joy - luck in Danish and Bhutan cases
- Industry and 'the good life' - about spirituality and pain in a life.

I am already looking forward to this course :-)

The taste of Danish coffee

Today was a bit different. First because I went to sleep tomorrow at 7 pm. I was too sleepy after sauna and biking. So today I wake up at 6 am and figured out there is no yoga today. But after breakfast I went sumba. Although I had so much pain in my shoulder that i decided to change a workshop for painting. I really enjoyed it, and made 2 paintings. Will make a photo of these later on. After the lunch we went to Odense university and attended the lecture about B. Obama which was pretty interesting. Also we got some tour of university which is quiet huge. Further on we had a dinner with lots of vegetables served. Cultural evening was the part of the afternoon. This time it was about people who lose the weight. Very interesting indeed.
Although today I decided to stay here for Christmas and attend a new course in January with the name 'Mindful Living'.

Welness

Day started at 7 am with yoga class, which lasted 40 minutes. We made different exercises and also exercises for streching. After this I had quick shower and went to the common room for a breakfast. I decided to reduce aamount of coffee I drink and drink more tea. Although I drunk 2 cup of coffees, some tea and ate a good a low fat yogurt. All products here are low fat and school concentrates on a healthy eating. We get lots of vegetables and low fat food. Day continiued with English class, - where we worked together in groups with Japanese students, lunch and then, a Welness class, - where we made some facial and hair masks, and then also learnt how to make face and head massage. It was really relaxing, and for sure I want to get more more more!! Time was going fast, dinner is waiting and by the end of the day we suppose to see some antropological film.

Denmark

So, now is my 3d day in Denmark, Harritslev. So far, I like it here. It is pretty tiny village with few houses and school building with a gym and some other houses surrounding, where the students live. We are Danish, Nepali, Estonians, Slovenian and Germans here. Yes, and of course, Japanese people. I share a room with a Japanese girl, she is nice and a very friendly. Time is going both fast and slowly here, depends on what to do. We already had excursion to a place where handicapped people are making handicrafts for selling, and we had a tea with some of them. Then we made a little trip to a local library, which was also nice. In the evening there was some small party in Japanese house, where people got really drunk (not me haha, i don't drink much usually)Today is saturday and it is going slowly, because there is absolutely nothing to do. Except we made a small bike trip to Bogense, which is very close to Harritslev. Also we biked a bit close by the seaside. It was very fresh air there!

the Change

Sometimes to fully change, you need to leave your common life environment for a while.
And come back as a fully new person. If you out of job activities does not let you to change the way you feel, you need to do something bigger. Good thing do not disappear. Chances are many and given. The only - if you take them. Fear is something which can stop transformation. The change should be made, and sometimes a sharp one, to result into your life as you want it.

 

 

I am a wooden floor

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They love you, or they hate you.
They can laugh. They can cry.
They can even throw up.
That's how you make them feel.

Invisible landscapes

a word is like a dance,
a drama -
silent stream
it's going up
and down
and vowels in between

a word is like a shot -
a piece of glass which
is broken
it's sticky tricky playful
and sounding like a pain

it's cosy cloud
running
slowly
above your head

a summer rain
a snow -
ice.

a rainbow.
a wind.

tree leafs,
which whisper loud.

it's like a kiss -
so sweet and sudden,

surprising
killing
raising

awak'ning from
a dream.

Life is full of surprises...

...isn't it?

you get again a question...?

All that
it happens for a reason
we get to understand
about
who we are
and
what we do
and
where we go

it happens to remember
a history behind
the reason we are here
on Earth

in each and every mind

it makes us feel awake
to hear a voice
inside
to tell to everyone
at first to tell
yourself
the truly purpose
of
a Life.

Butterfly in Blue

Some days I just went. Some days I was stacked under the rain. Some days it was snowing and it was cold. Some days I just could not find myself. But than, I went. The road was long, and sometimes I got a feeling that I just follow it. Some stones made me feel pain, - and than I cried. I cried, and teardrops were falling down, to the ground with a sound which could make mountains to move and clouds go above my head with a very high speed. Sometimes I got this thought in my head - I never seen such a long road before...and in the same time I thought - a day is too short to go the distance I want.. so I will be able to reach the end, before my time is gone. I went alone, but I didn't feel lonely...I was meeting sunrise. Alone. And I followed the sun. Sunset was always beautiful. Any place I were. And it was different. Any place I were. As clouds as well. I was watching these clouds' formations and never stopped being amazed how beautiful these are. Miracle creations. Still I was alone. I wondered, if there is a someone I can share this sunrise. Sunset. Moon. Air. Ocean. This way. And than, I was running. I was running as if it would be the Hell following me by my steps. I was running under rain and through the forest, I was running too fast... - until I was tired so I fell a sleep at once, right after sunset. And the last thing I saw before I fell into the World of Dreams, was a Moon - Big and Blue....I don't know how long time I slept. I don't know how much time I dreamt. I don't know how much time I went. I don't remember where was the start and where will be the end. But suddenly I opened my eyes, and I felt I was not alone anymore. It was silent. This sparkling silence made me feel pain in my ears by feeling all frequencies around me. It was a fucking loud sparkling silence...
And than I saw a Butterfly. One more Butterfly! I was not alone anymore. I thought I have seen her somewhere and I knew her, but I was so sure I never met her before! But since we went together this way, crossed Time ..went through formations of Clouds, were burned by Sun, and frozen as an Ice when it was Blue Cold... I stopped running. I started just being. I didn't feel time anymore. There was only Space and Butterflies. I heard them all. And silence was sparkling. But not that loud anymore. There was no Time and no Rush. There was only Music - Its invisible structure with its invisible threads, Space, Sun...Moon...and Rain...and Butterflies.

Рождество

Какого оно цвета, это Рождество?

-спросил меня маленький племянник. Хм, этот вопрос поставил меня в явное затруднение. Действительно, а какого же оно цвета, это Рождество?
Ведь ответ, он не может быть только одним. Ответ лежит в сердце каждого из нас...также как и то, что мы можем сказать - это Рождество!-толко тогда когда мы впустим его и эту светлоту в наше сердце. Тогда когда мы открываем свое серце любви, к окружающим и окружающих к нам..любви ко всему что нас окружает,-то что мы видим и то чего не видим...той любви, которую испытывал Иисус когда он был распят. Ведь Рождество, это не только красивий праздник, Роздество это не причина для подарков и пожертвований..все это мы можем сделать в любой день года, толко почему то забываем, находим отговорки, для самих себя..ссылаясь на загруженную повседневность..Рождественская ночь самая драгоценная ночь в году, именно в нее пришел Иисус в наш мир, и уже тогда было предопределено что его кровь будет пролита на голгофском кресте. Мне кажется стоит помнить об этом именно в Рождество, чтоб помнить о том, что Наша жизнь,-она недолговечна, она летит как минута, всего лишь маленькая крупинка в массе века времени...зачем терять это драгоценное время и ждать следущего Рождества чтоб сделать подарок вашим близким и сказать им о том как вы их любите и уважаете. ...
Я нашла ответ на вопрос какого цвета Рождество для меня. Для меня это не только цвет, но и форма, чувство, воспоминания, и наверное ожидания. попутно я еще обнаружила, что не бывает несовершенных елок, все они совершенны, потому что каждая елка из наших воспоминаний, и та что стоит дома, она несет нам намного больше чем просто форма и запах, она дает нам множество эмоций, радости в нашем сердце и глазах наших детей, ожидание чего-то волшебного, искящийся смех близких и радость..поэтому нет несовершенних елок. Есть ненастоящие, но несовершенных нет, как нет и несовершенной любви...С Рождеством! И пусть ваше сердце будет открыто любви, радости и добру!!